• About
    • Hi, I’m Jen!
    • Disclosure
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact
  • Start Here
  • Courses
    • FREE Principled Christmas Gift-Giving Mini Course
    • About the “Media That Matters” Course
    • Signature Caramel Apple Dashboard
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

Raise The Good

  • Home
  • Resources By Age
    • Children
    • Teens
    • Adults
  • Media Type
    • Audio
    • Books
    • Movies
    • TV/Video Clips
  • Topics
    • Character Traits
    • Education
    • Faith
    • Intentional Living
    • Parenting
    • Adulting
    • Holidays and Special Occasions
    • Hero Spotlight
  • Favorite Things
  • Shop
    • Cart
  • Free Printables

April 4, 2019 · 4 Comments

What I Did When My Kids Lost

Character Traits· Parenting· Teens

Losing stinks. Especially when you put your heart and soul into something and it seems like something unfair happened to make you lose. How do we help our kids through this?

My robotics team recently went through this. We worked our guts out. First, we raised about $20,000 for our 9 month season. That’s a tall order for teenagers! They learned computer programming, engineering, 3D CAD design and printing, and kept an engineering notebook that documented everything. Heck, we also threw the very first robotics conference in our area and invited other teams, schools and anyone remotely interested in robotics.

And then in our final competition, at the Arizona/New Mexico state finals, after everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong, we regrouped, and started winning. We were doing our personal best. We weren’t number one, but we were happy with our comeback.

When they handed out the various awards at the end (the ones that didn’t depend on how many points your robot scored), we didn’t win a single one- which was totally disappointing. But what’s more…two out-of-state teams basically swept the competition. It felt like the whole state lost. It felt unfair, and we were ticked- not just for us, but for really great teams that usually win, that didn’t. It was an incredibly disheartening end to a physically and emotionally exhausting three days.

We took a few days off and then met again. It was important for me to help them process this. We had an ice cream sundae bar because ice cream is total comfort food, and then we did some emotional work:

1. We talked about how much it stunk.

Because it did. Ignoring that doesn’t make anyone feel better- instead it invalidates all of their feelings and hard work. I let them get everything off their chests.

2. We watched this video clip about losing that made us laugh.

I didn’t want to give them the standard “inspiring, but not inspiring” quotes or platitudes when we were still stinging. This video was just the thing. It gave us a reason to laugh, but also a bit of perspective about what losing really does for us. Later, I found
this video of a Russian rocket ship blowing up because they put the sensors on wrong, and this video of catastrophic mistakes. Because, you know. . . misery loves company!

 

3. We talked about the good things.

We talked about another team that helped us troubleshoot a recurring problem we’d been having. One of our drivers shared about how our robot malfunctioned–to our benefit! He felt it was a tiny miracle and and and an encouraging pat on the back from up above.

4. We talked about what we could do differently.

We did learn a lot from those out-of-state teams. Even though we wished they would have beaten us in a different competition instead of our own state tournament, seeing that level of play helped us think differently and re-examine how we did things.

5. We ate more ice cream.

And then we added brownies.  🙂

Overall, the whole meeting turned out really well and we were able to end on a positive note. Everyone is feeling upbeat and positive about next year.

What do you do in these types of situations?
(And what is your favorite type of ice cream?)
Share in the comments!

Don’t miss out!

Related Posts

woman and child
What Can I Do About Racism?
piggy bank
Financial Education for Teens (or you!)
kids and cell phones
Cellphones and Kids: Resources for Worried Parents

Previous Post: « Character Trait of the Month: Individual Worth- Week #2
Next Post: Movie Review: Unplanned »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Krista says

    April 13, 2019 at 8:05 am

    Good for you, Jen! Those kids are lucky to have had you take them through that entire journey. To me, it sounds like that experience was meant to be in order to serve a bigger purpose later in life. Congrats on your wins and loss; you all win ultimately!

    Reply
    • Jen says

      April 29, 2019 at 7:10 pm

      Hi Krista,
      You are so kind. Thanks for making me feel like a million bucks. I love your perspective on things serving a larger purpose- thank you!

      Reply
  2. Mel says

    April 14, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    You’re a rockstar! Ice cream is often a go to for me. Or fries! Losing hurts. I love that you didn’t dismiss those very real emotions, and that you used them as a catalyst for improvement rather than justification for wallowing in misery. I know it was equally tough on all of you.

    Reply
    • Jen says

      April 29, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      Hey Mel,
      So sorry I’m late in responding- I was out of town for a bit. Thanks for the feedback. It’s hard to know what to do sometimes, isn’t it? Pull yourself up by the bootstraps or wallow. I think there is a place for both sometimes. 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Welcome

Hi! I'm Jen. Wife, mom of 5, and someone who is deliberately trying to shape the family culture in our home by focusing on uplifting and inspiring media and other resources. If you are looking for an alternative to negative pop culture- you're in the right place!

SIGN UP FOR MY FREE QUICK START COURSE: MEDIA THAT MATTERS!

Deliberately Using Books and Movies to Inspire Your Family

Shop My Favorites for Kids:

Find All MY Recommendations At Amazon Here!

Raise The Good Store

Let’s Connect

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Footer

Related Posts

coming of age
Coming of Age Celebrations: Part 2
How to Make Time For Inspiring Books and Movies
chris medina
“What are Words”: What does love mean to you?
10 Favorite Clean Adventure Series for Older Kids
choose your own adventure
Choose Your  Own Adventure: An Ice Cream Object Lesson

In the last month, I have spoken with three teenag In the last month, I have spoken with three teenagers, boys and girls both, (not these girls, but I love them and I love this picture!) who have graduated/will graduate and have absolutely no idea what they will do next. That can be pretty common- it’s hard to decide! But here’s the kicker- their parents haven’t talked to them about it AT ALL. There are lots of reasons for that, but the teens I’ve spoken with feel overwhelmed and abandoned, even a bit hopeless.
.
Parents, our teens NEED us- even if they don’t act like it. Even if we don’t have any answers. Please talk to your teens about their future plans. Ask them questions, research ideas with them that they come up with, help them form a plan that they are excited about. Whether it is trade school, college, volunteer or church service, or going straight into the workforce, please let them know that they aren’t alone. Help them form a plan that will kickstart them into adulthood and serve them in the years to come. Be a safety net that helps propel them into success. They will feel your love. ***Edited to add: If you want to help your child, but don’t know where to start, check out Heather @alignedambition ! This is her specialty and she’s amazing!!
.
(If you are interested in learning more about how you can do a more formal Coming of Age with your teens, check out my Coming of Age Guidebook in my shop!) #parentsofteens #highschoolsenior #comingofage #planningforthefuture #loveyourkids #bepresent
Have a happy Sunday! This was a good reminder for Have a happy Sunday! This was a good reminder for me today.
.
I am working on offering free printables. I love to hang quotes like this in my home, and wondered if you might, too. You will be able to find this one at the link in bio, then click “printables” in the menu. #quotes #sunday #worship @churchofjesuschrist
My third gourmet caramel apple class is finished! My third gourmet caramel apple class is finished! It was SO FUN to meet all the women and kids who signed up. It makes me so happy to teach this! Anyone can make these- you just have to know the right tips and tricks. 😋  #mycaramelapples #digitalcourse #delicious #beautiful #caramelapples
New blog post: “7 Ways I Am Trying To Heal Polit New blog post: “7 Ways I Am Trying To Heal Political Division”. It took me much longer to write this post than it should have. I wanted to get the wording just right, didn’t want to come off as self-righteous, and had so many other concerns. But I think national unity won’t come until we have individual unity with our families and friends. This is my attempt. (Link in bio.) I know you are concerned about this as well. What has worked for you? #unity #politics #democrats #republicans #family #fighting #peacemaker
As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr., and the pr As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr., and the progress of the Civil Rights movement, I’m challenging myself to read more of his words completely and in context, rather than the short, inspiring quotes we often see. Letters, books, speeches, laws of the time, economic and political pressures, family concerns, etc. all help us have a more complete understanding of his life’s work.
.
Learning more than just bullet point history- about all leaders- is what REALLY helps us learn from the past and make progress today. This is true education. Have a great day everyone! #mlkday #civilrights #history #education
I’m a natural peacemaker. I also minored in poli I’m a natural peacemaker. I also minored in political science and am passionate about American history and government. That means that I have a ton of opinions just like everyone else about the current events in America right now. 😜
.
I am really, really sad seeing us so divided and angry with each other- including myself in my own relationships. I listened to a podcast that my brother sent me (Hi, Ben! I still need to talk to you about this!), and I realized that the two sides are (many times) completely out of touch with each other. We don’t understand each other. Oh, we get the sound bites and the bullet points, but mostly we try to shout each other down.
.
Stephen Covey had it right- let’s try to understand—REALLY understand each other— BEFORE we start trying to explain ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we are doormats, it actually gives us power when we understand each other. I think this is good for marriages, parenting, work conflicts...and politics. Let’s practice listening.
.
Love you guys. ❤️ #stephencovey #politics #listentounderstand #loveoneanother #peacemakers #notadoormat
Let’s be honest: the last few days have been ROU Let’s be honest: the last few days have been ROUGH! I’m starting my last digital Signature Gourmet Caramel Apple class this week, and I want to give away 6 spots to brighten your day! (To learn more about the course, click in the link in my bio.)
.
Tag one person you are grateful for, and I’ll randomly pick 3 winners—you AND the person you tagged will each get a free course (you’ll be responsible for getting your own ingredients, though.) Plus the rest of your immediate family can do it with you- kids LOVE it! 
.
This ends tonight at 5pm PST. Hurry and enter! #giveaway #delicious #caramelapples #happy
Expect to randomly find hard boiled eggs mixed int Expect to randomly find hard boiled eggs mixed into your egg carton. They think it’s HILARIOUS! 😂 #boymom #teenboys #jokes
I saw this on a friend’s feed and thought it was I saw this on a friend’s feed and thought it was powerful:
.
“I would have pulled Joseph out. Out of that pit. Out of that prison. Out of that pain. And I would have cheated nations out of the one God would use to deliver them from famine.

I would have pulled David out. Out of Saul’s spear-throwing presence. Out of the caves he hid away in. Out of the pain of rejection. And I would have cheated Israel out of a God-hearted king.

I would have pulled Esther out. Out of being snatched from her only family. Out of being placed in a position she never asked for. Out of the path of a vicious, power-hungry foe. And I would have cheated a people out of the woman God would use to save their very lives.

And I would have pulled Jesus off. Off of the cross. Off of the road that led to suffering and pain. Off of the path that would mean nakedness and beatings, nails and thorns. And I would have cheated the entire world out of a Savior. Out of salvation. Out of an eternity filled with no more suffering and no more pain.

And oh friend. I want to pull you out. I want to change your path. I want to stop your pain. But right now I know I would be wrong. I would be out of line. I would be cheating you and cheating the world out of so much good. Because God knows. He knows the good this pain will produce. He knows the beauty this hard will grow. He’s watching over you and keeping you even in the midst of this. And He’s promising you that you can trust Him. Even when it all feels like more than you can bear.

So instead of trying to pull you out, I’m lifting you up. I’m kneeling before the Father and I’m asking Him to give you strength. To give you hope. I’m asking Him to protect you and to move you when the time is right. I'm asking Him to help you stay prayerful and discerning. I'm asking Him how I can best love you and be a help to you. And I’m believing He’s going to use your life in powerful and beautiful ways. Ways that will leave your heart grateful and humbly thankful for this road you’ve been on.”

 - Kimberly D. Henderson

Copyright © 2021 · captivating theme by Restored 316